Its been a change of pace from the political rantings I have put up for awhile. How can I resist? I don't want to see my country hit the shitter, even though it cant get much worse then it already is. Hearing about all of these shootings..how the national debt keeps rising, how we might hit a recession again. Does it really surprise me? No it doesn't. It also makes me look at my life, and how I never really believed in God, or believed in an afterlife, or believed that there was hope in Saving me. The whole "the rapture is coming" or the world ending didn't really affect why I believe now believe in Him.
When I was old enough to start walking, my grandmother always took me to church on Sundays. Although I was too young to understand the significance of it, she told me essentially that if I believed in some guy who died on a cross would eventually come back to life to take us to Heaven. Now, as a kid who couldn't even count to 10 at age 4, I didn't understand why my grandmother took me to this place every Sunday, or in the summer I would go there to see my friends during bible school. As I got a little bit older, I realized that this guy named Jesus did die for us. He died for our sins, and if we still believed in God, we would go to Heaven, where there was no sickness, no school, we could eat all the junk food we wanted, all that. I mean, that's what I thought when I was 6 years old!
I got older, and as I did, my faith in Him started to dwindle away. I started blaming the Lord for everything bad that happened to me. I blamed Him for my mom finding my step dad, my step dad favoring others over me, my mom treating me worse then I was used to. I blamed God for every tiny thing that happened to me. Of course, when I went to church on sundays with my brother and sisters, it was more of a "I get to see cute girls my age, see my friends, and eat more then I get to eat at home" kind of gig then actually trying to further my relationship with God. I went through the phase of saying "No God exists" believing random ideas from different religions, believing that Karma is he way we live, believing that we reincarnate after we die, believing that there is more to our existence then just a man dying for us, just because God told him to. I didn't believe that God could be so forgiving, and just by asking for forgiveness, or just simply believing in Him, you could go straight to eternal salvation. It all seemed too easy. I thought that you would have to work for it, like the Jewish, or Islam, where you had to work your way into salvation, not just believe. I wanted to prove to everyone who took religion so seriously that there was more to worry about, and that God wouldn't have let Pearl Harbor, or the recession, or murder happen. I wanted to say if He existed, why didn't he just say ok you all lived well, time to come to Heaven.
Then things started to change.
Weird things started happening, like my luck had changed. I got up to Honesdale to live with my dad, I started doing better in school, and believe it or not I graduated. I jokingly said Praise the Lord, believing he had something to do with it all. Then I saw things improve more, such as my life in general, my mom not dying from an allergic reation that landed her in ICU. The miracles He works is enough reason for me to believe in Him.
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